Thursday, March 28, 2013

When relationships break down and break up is inevitable

Whether you’ve signed a lease together or it’s date number five, pulling the chord on a relationship can be a tricky, awkward and painful act.

But there are rules for navigating matters of the heart and a number of courtesies that can make the process more graceful and you more gracious. A look at how to call it off, regardless of what stage you’re at in coupledom.

Date number one

You went for coffee with your friend’s co-worker’s cousin’s sister that everyone thought you would be just perfect for – but there wasn’t even a hint of a spark between the two of you. If you know for certain you’re not interested, there’s no need to commit to a second date just to be nice and get her hopes up. Conversely, dropping off the face of the earth is a jerk move, especially if she shows interest you can’t reciprocate. At this point, an email or text explaining you had a lovely time but don’t see things progressing is acceptable. 

The “getting-serious” mark

The L-word has been dropped, you’ve met each other’s friends and there have been several serious talks about the future. But for whatever reason, it’s not working anymore. Ask Men points out that “if you have been dating someone long enough to tell other people that you are, in fact, dating, then you must sever ties face-to-face.” A digital break-up is only acceptable if you’ve known each other all of three hours. 

Very much together

Without getting into an exact number, there’s a certain point in serious relationships where lives become especially intertwined. When things reach a settled point, it can be exceptionally difficult to split up a long-term relationship. There’s a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. As Match.com points out, there needs to be reasons for the split. Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life, told the dating website that the reasons should focus on your general incompatibility without being too critical or specific. So don’t tell her “she’s no longer attractive to you, or you’re insanely attracted to her best friend. These kinds of reflections shouldn’t be shared.”

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