Teens' Wild Nights Out

Dec 16, 2007
Teens' Wild Nights Out
Parents are often unaware of the drinking, sex and even drug use at teens' parties
By Melody Zaccheus


WHILE SOME TEENS insist that their parties are just healthy fun, such gatherings can easily get out of hand and counsellors say parents need to get in tune with their children and be alert to telltale signs of problems. -- POSED PHOTO: NG SOR LUAN

IT'S a Friday and Tina is dressed to the hilt for a night out with her friends.
They had finished their O-level exams a few weeks ago and have been partying hard since then.

'Where are you going, dressed like that?' her mum asks in a concerned voice.

'Don't worry, mum, I am just going for a gathering at Sarah's place,' came the quick reply.

The mention of Sarah, a regular visitor at Tina's home and her classmate for the past four years, allays the parent's fears.

But Sarah's party at the clubhouse in her condo is no innocent gathering of a classroom of bookworms looking to have some nice clean fun.

Friends bring friends and boyfriends who come well stocked with booze and cigarettes to last the night.

These teens give their parents the slip quite easily. Mention that it's a party at a friend's place and there is seldom any problem, they say. Parents feel relatively safe and relax rules on staying out if they know the party is at a friend's place.

Student Amy, 15, has been attending three or four such parties a year since she was 14.

And she lies to her parents every time she attends one. When she went to the latest one last month at a friend's house, her parents thought she was at a school camp.

She was away from home for three days and two nights, preparing for the party and recovering from her hangover later. 'My parents will flip if they ever found out the truth,' she said.

Especially if they find out that on all of these occasions, she had drunk herself silly.

Amy said: 'I get drunk to experience a night of carefree fun. Even though I suffer from a hangover the next day, I find drinking a good way to release stress.'

Amy claims to know her boundaries. For instance, drugs are a no-go and the worst thing she has done is 'run off to make out with a stranger' when intoxicated.

Others, however, have seen far worse happening at such parties.

Fashion student John, 19, said: 'At a party I attended, a pair of teenagers who barely looked 18 were all over each other, having sex along the hallway. They were drunk, the girl's make-up was completely smudged and the guy was all over her.

'Their body parts were exposed and they were doing it in full view of 65 other people at the party.'

At such parties - usually held at condominium barbecue pits, chalets or private homes - complaints from neighbours and visits from the police are common.

These parties often begin at 7pm and sometimes stretch till 6am.

Food is usually catered or pizza ordered in, with music coming from an iPod plugged into a speaker set.

Junior College student, Stacey, 17, has witnessed fights at such parties. 'A few boys were kicking and punching each other. There was a lot of blood. I was terrified and fled.'

While some parents are clueless about their children's activities, some feel their children are old enough to take care of themselves and leave them very much on their own.

Polytechnic student David said he has been given a lot of freedom since completing secondary school.

The 17-year-old has no problems staying out late. All his parents would say to him is 'don't go overboard partying', he said.

But giving teens total freedom may not be the way to go, some counsellors say.

Youth Guidance Outreach Services programme director Gn Chiang Tat, 57, said: 'I don't think you can stop a teenager from being a teenager - it's a defiant phase. He'll definitely find a way to meet his friends no matter what kind of measures you take.'

But parents need to start getting in tune with their children, Mr Gn said. 'If the teen is looking for some way of release, and if he doesn't have a close relationship with his mum and dad, what's going to stop him from smoking, drinking, having sex and consuming drugs behind their backs?'

Counsellor Edward Rajeshwar from Tekka Community Services said parents should learn how to pick up telltale signs.

'The drinks he chugs down, the cigarettes he puffs and the party drugs he consumes will influence and negatively affect the teen's moods aside from the typical physical symptoms like bloodshot eyes, slurring and a weaker constitution,' he said. 'Parents must always be alert to these.'

Mr Rajeshwar added that parents of party organisers should also assume responsibility in ensuring that these gatherings do not get out of hand. Laying down the rules and boundaries clearly to the attending teenagers would be one way to have some form of control over the party, he said.

But what appears like living on the edge to parents is healthy fun, many teens who attend such parties insist.

Polytechnic student Bernard, 17, said: 'Sex and drugs do not always happen at these parties. But even if they did, we're mature enough to know how to handle ourselves.'

With a smirk, he added: 'What harm does a little tobacco and alcohol do?'

melodyzaccheus@gmail.com




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'If the teen is looking for some way of release, and if he doesn't have a close relationship with his mum and dad, what's going to stop him from smoking, drinking, having sex and consuming drugs behind their backs?'
MR GN CHIANG TAT, Youth Guidance Outreach Services programme director