The 5 Cs aren’t enough; Singaporeans need the 6th C

In February, I wrote about the new 5 Cs that will actually make us happy Singaporeans:

 http://sg.news.yahoo.com/blogs/singaporescene/5-cs-aren-t-enough-singaporeans-6th-c-045321605.html

• Compare less
• Cherish what you have
• Choose your attitude
• Complain less
• Change your circumstances and yourself

I'm pleasantly surprised to see that the article has received more than 400 comments and has been shared 8,200 times on Facebook!
Clearly, the “5 Cs” is something that’s close to Singaporeans’ hearts.
The 6^th C that I missed out: Compliment others
Soon after the article was published, I had a conversation with my cousin.
He said, “Daniel, you missed out one ‘C’. We should compliment others more. That’s something we don’t do enough of in Singapore.”
I spent the next few days reflecting on what my cousin had said.
My cousin was right: It’s not part of Singaporean culture to compliment others.
(In this article, I’m referring to genuine compliments, not false praise that you might give your boss or teacher if you’re trying to get into his or her good books.)
When was the last time you heard someone say…

• “You gave such a well-organized and persuasive presentation just now”
• “Your report was both informative and clearly written”
• “You facilitated the discussion skillfully”
• “You led your project team effectively”
• “The meal you cooked was delicious”
• “Good effort”
• “I’m proud of you”?

Why we don’t compliment others
I’m not saying that we never, ever speak kind words to our friends, colleagues or family members.
I’m just saying that we ought to do it more often if we want to build a happier Singapore.
Here are some possible reasons why we don’t make many positive remarks:

• We tend to focus on the negative
• We’re quick to criticize
• We’re competitive people who find it unnatural to acknowledge it when others perform better than us
• We like to complain
• We don’t make an intentional effort to take notice of others’ admirable qualities
• When things go well, we assume that that’s the expected result anyway, so there’s no need to pay a compliment

Benefits of giving compliments
No matter what the reasons are that we don’t give more compliments, we all like receiving them.
As someone who does a lot of speaking and writing, I’ll admit that sincere compliments make my day!
We can make someone else’s day by paying him or her a compliment.
Moreover, giving compliments has many benefits.
It boosts your mood, improves communication with the other party, and gets you into the habit of looking for the good in others.
It helps you to get beyond yourself and focus on other people. It increases your awareness that life isn’t mainly about you. It makes you a more generous person.
It reminds you that kindness is of vital importance, despite the fact that we can easily get caught up with our individual pursuit of success.
Most of all, it makes our society happier, gentler and more appreciative.
What you can do today
I hope you’re convinced that the 6^th C is something that all of us should aspire towards.
The best thing is that it’s completely free! (And if there’s something that we Singaporeans like—myself included—it’s free stuff.)
So…
If you enjoy your next meal, tell the chef (who might even be your parent, spouse or domestic helper).
If someone helps you, write a thank-you note.
If your colleague does a solid job with a sales presentation, send a congratulatory email.
If you’re grateful for a friendship, send a text message and tell that person so.
When we combine the new 5 Cs with this 6^th C, we’ll be well on our way to finding the happiness and fulfillment that we’re looking for as a society.
One day a time, one compliment at a time.

When relationships break down and break up is inevitable

Whether you’ve signed a lease together or it’s date number five, pulling the chord on a relationship can be a tricky, awkward and painful act.

But there are rules for navigating matters of the heart and a number of courtesies that can make the process more graceful and you more gracious. A look at how to call it off, regardless of what stage you’re at in coupledom.

Date number one

You went for coffee with your friend’s co-worker’s cousin’s sister that everyone thought you would be just perfect for – but there wasn’t even a hint of a spark between the two of you. If you know for certain you’re not interested, there’s no need to commit to a second date just to be nice and get her hopes up. Conversely, dropping off the face of the earth is a jerk move, especially if she shows interest you can’t reciprocate. At this point, an email or text explaining you had a lovely time but don’t see things progressing is acceptable. 

The “getting-serious” mark

The L-word has been dropped, you’ve met each other’s friends and there have been several serious talks about the future. But for whatever reason, it’s not working anymore. Ask Men points out that “if you have been dating someone long enough to tell other people that you are, in fact, dating, then you must sever ties face-to-face.” A digital break-up is only acceptable if you’ve known each other all of three hours. 

Very much together

Without getting into an exact number, there’s a certain point in serious relationships where lives become especially intertwined. When things reach a settled point, it can be exceptionally difficult to split up a long-term relationship. There’s a fine line between saying too much and saying too little. As Match.com points out, there needs to be reasons for the split. Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion: How to Change Your Words to Change Your Life, told the dating website that the reasons should focus on your general incompatibility without being too critical or specific. So don’t tell her “she’s no longer attractive to you, or you’re insanely attracted to her best friend. These kinds of reflections shouldn’t be shared.”